Blabbing/Venting

So I know there are a lot of things happening for me this week. However, I'd really like it if I could take the "handle it as it comes" approach. I can't do anything about my mediation that's scheduled for Tuesday until, duh, Tuesday. I can't figure out a piano accompaniment for a last-minute gig scheduled for Thursday until tomorrow. I can't get the knots out of my shoulders and back until I can actually relax and get someone to help me with that (Saturday or Monday, Lisa will call me back). And I can't get my mind to calm down, relax, enjoy what I can right now, focus on some other things that need done, and calm my stomach until.... ??? It's all over? School doesn't really bother me. I know I'll find a solution for that tomorrow. Not a problem. Tuesday bothers me. That I'm unsure about the outcome. That I don't want to go to trial. That I can't afford shit right now because I have to put pennies away for my lawyer, ESPECIALLY if we're going to trial. And mostly that I'm this upset about something that I don't want to be. I'm trying very hard to distract myself from it, and it keeps gnawing away at me, expressing itself when I think I have some sort of control over it.

I know, Mom. He's controlling me again because I can't get my own emotions under control. I'm still pissed about DAD. How do you stop letting something erode away in you when there seems to be no closure? How do you bring closure to something that will probably never be closed? I don't have the time or the funds to take a year to find happiness for myself, like Elizabeth Gilbert in "Eat, Pray, Love". Great book, by the way. It gives me hope that I will be able to provide myself with some kind calm and, for lack of a better word, closure at some point in my life. I know I can be very patient, but lately that has not been a great talent of mine. I feel like I've been patient long enough.

Well that sounds familiar. I think I heard myself say that several times to myself a couple of years ago. Most memorably around July of 2006.

So that leaves me with what? Plans of action. I know dates, times, and hopefully that means that in less than 20 days I will officially be known by my maiden name again. I'll try to focus on that fact (hopefully fact). So take Coda out. See friends. Enjoy company and try to distract my brain for the next 45 hours.

Someone call me and remind me to cry Monday night. I don't want to burst into tears on Tuesday (which is likely). We all know how much I love conflict.

Lazy Dog

So the Gabriel/Gehrman family has begun a fitness challenge to last up to Christmas. Walk/Jog (or bike or play tennis at the equivalent) 7 miles each week. So long as you complete that weekly, you win! I love it. I get to take Coda out and... well... drag her up the last hill every time we do a certain route because she is apparently not capable of withstanding the Texas heat AND walking 3 miles. I'm going to have to start walking with her every other day and going on my own to get my heartrate up for the required amount of time. I want to lose 10 lbs. by Xmas. How do you get the dog to keep up with you??? She's a young'un! Just over a year with GREYHOUND in her blood! Crazy mutt. Love her though! She keeps me entertained. =)

Mediation

October 2nd at 1:00 PM. If that doesn't end it, the trial date is October 15th. Pray for the former to be successful.

Labor Day

How much do I love my family??? A whole heck of a lot! The Orenders invited me out to their lake home in Possum Kingdom for Labor Day weekend. I read more in 2 days then I had been able to read in 3 weeks. We swam, boated, jet skiied, and RELAXED! Oh yeah. And we ate a lot, too. =) Thanks to Carol and Bill for inviting me, and it's ALWAYS fun to hang with the cousins! The babies grow up so fast!!!


Katy had her friend Kelly out from Chicago - the bunkhouse was the place to be!


Connor's already taking charge of his younger cousin, Liam.


"The Beast" kills your thighs. Can I get a witness, Katy and Kelly???


Father and son are WAY TOO CUTE.


The Girls at the Lake House!

It has to be said again... I love my family!

PS: More pictures are on my Facebook site... go here - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=723290963